The official desk plant census (2024 to present)

I joined three weeks ago and I notice nobody has asked the important question. What is on your desk that is alive?

I will keep a tally in this post and update it every so often.

Current census (updated October 2026): 71 plants declared, 58 alive, 12 dead, 1 disputed (see: Gerald).

Rules: it must be on or within arm's reach of the desk. Herbs count. Mould does not count, Dario.

I will start. A pothos called Susan, a fern that hates me, and a peace lily I rescued from an office that closed.

one cactus. gerald

Basil. It is for the software and also for dinner.

A jade plant my wife put there in 2011. I have not been consulted on its care.

SEVEN! A monstera, two succulents, a money plant (for the MRR!), a tiny lemon tree, mint, and one I do not know the name of but it is thriving!!

no plants. one rubber duck. does not count i assume

The duck does not count but I am writing it down anyway.

update. gerald has gone soft and a bit yellow. is that normal

Sam. How often do you water Gerald.

every day. plants need water

SAM. HE IS A CACTUS.

You have drowned a desert.

gerald update. he's gone. i've left him on the desk

Recording Gerald as deceased. I am sorry for your loss and also it was entirely your fault.

i'd like him listed as disputed. he's still upright

Upright is not a vital sign.

New member reporting: one aloe vera, alive. I read this whole thread to find out who Gerald is and I was not ready.

Welcome Kofi. Aloe recorded. Nobody is ever ready for Gerald.

Three, all alive, all inherited from patients at the clinic. One is taller than me.